The City Confessions Season 2

I am so excited because I am back for Season 2 of my podcast The City Confessions! The first episode of this season is a solo one where I talk about my struggle to find my purpose, my truth and my higher calling in life. Feel free to listen to it here.

Here’s the full transcript below:

Mariann Yip: Welcome to The City Confessions. I’m Mariann Yip, a native New Yorker, and I’m here to discuss all the thoughts that go through the minds of people living in New York City. Being that I live in the city that never sleeps, I come across people who are constantly in a rush. I would like to take a moment to sit down and talk about what’s on their minds and what keeps them up at night. So, sit back and let’s get ready to dive into these confessions with people I know and people that I’ve never met.

Hi Guys. I hope you are doing well. Your girl is back for season two of The City Confessions. As you can tell, I’m a little, I guess like hyper and it’s super weird because right now it’s raining in New York City and I’m in my new apartment and I’m super excited because I finally have a place to call home. I mean, I have a roommate and I love her, so everything is good. I finally have unboxed everything and just trying to settle in and I think the fun is finally beginning now that this episode will be released. I will be picking out all the decor and all the fun stuff can happen, but I will say I had no idea how long of a process this would be. I am the type of person that wants everything instantly. So, I remember when I moved in I was like, “I need to get this, I need to get that.”

I really wanted to create this sacred place because that’s what a home should be. It should be a sanctuary. And no matter what happens in your life, whatever you’re going through, whether it’s a good day or a bad day, whatever happens outside, you should never carry it into your home, and that’s really the vibe. Yeah, the vibe and atmosphere that I wanted to create for my place. So, it’s been still a progress, but I’m getting there and that makes me really happy because that’s the main reason why I kind of took a break from doing this podcast and recording these episodes because it was just so stressful. I knew that I couldn’t give 100% to the podcast and that’s why I decided to take a hiatus. But it’s August. Summer is still here. I’m trying to soak in as much as possible. And I’m really just, I guess, proud of myself for continuing to do this because for the longest I really didn’t know where this would take me.

A lot of people still ask me, “Oh, how’s your podcast? How’s this? How’s that?” And if I’m going to be honest, I do think I can promote this better. But for me, the reason why I started this as you know is that it’s been just a passion of mine and really I’m just doing it for myself. I’m extremely grateful for those that listen and for my guests that come on but I think it’s important when you start something that you’re passionate about and then where it leads you is where it leads you. Obviously, it’s also good to have business goals, and this whole, if you’re thinking it strategically, but for me, I really like what I’m doing and I really hope that you guys take something away from it. So, for this introduction to season two, it’s a solo episode because that’s how I like to begin the season. It’s just giving you an update and kind of diving into what I’ve been going through and yes, so here we go.

So, I already spoke about the fact that I moved to a new apartment and that has been the main priority and focus of July. I guess I can say that it’s Mercury in Retrograde and all that, but to be honest, I’ve been having a creative rut and just some moments where I honestly have no idea or what the hell am I doing. And I don’t know if you guys can relate to this, but I’m really trying to find my purpose in this world and what my ‘Why’ is. I mean, I’ve been reading so many books and they always say you have to know your why because if you don’t know that, then there’s, honestly you just don’t have a path. You don’t have a direction, and that’s where you kind of lack motivation and clarity.

And for me, I feel like I somewhat know what my ‘Why’ is. At least I know what I’m passionate about and that really stems from, I guess, try and look at the world in a bigger perspective because the world is so much bigger than our problems. And I always, always have to remind myself of this because sometimes I’m just in my head. The other day I literally almost had an emotional and mental breakdown. And when I say that, I don’t say it lightly. I was so, I felt like my body was like heating up and I was just getting all in my head and like the feelings and I honestly can’t even tell you why. Like, I was on my computer doing work and I wanted to just cry. I don’t know if you guys have those moments and — no it’s not. You know, my cycle, it’s not mood swings. I honestly just had a moment and I had to kind of reel it back in and ask myself, “What am I doing?”

I’m at a point in my life where I feel like my purpose, like I need to be leaving a legacy. That’s what my astrologer mentioned, but I also do feel like that in my soul. Like, my soul is telling me that I have a purpose and I need to figure it out. And I guess my confession is that I’m really, really struggling right now with what I’m doing with my life and I’m so grateful for Instagram and social media and all the opportunities it’s brought to me. I really, really am. I know that I’m privileged to be in the position that I am, to be able to travel, to essentially be my own boss, to work with these amazing brands that have these doors opened to me. These relationships that I’ve built, there honestly doesn’t go a day that I am not grateful for that.

With that being said, I know that Instagram is not forever and a part of me felt, at least when I quit, my job was like, just ride the wave because you know, this is working for you. So, don’t question it. I’m at a point where maybe because I’ve been doing it for so long and under type of person who gets one bored easily, but two always thinking ten steps ahead. I’m just trying to think like what else is there for me. If, you knew me in high school, I was the, like type A, not like student pad, but I just always studied. I was so into grades and just being a good student and I just worked so hard and I was extremely motivated. I’m not saying that I’m not now, but I feel like everybody thought that I would be successful and, and just have a job that was of substance.

Again, I’m not saying that what I do doesn’t have substance, but I just feel like on this surface level, this cannot just be it for me. I don’t want to be labeled as just a blogger. I feel like I have so much more to offer, so much more that I can do and sometimes actually even doing this podcast when I talk to other people and guests, then I hear about what their life is and what they’re working on. Sometimes I feel like “Wow,.” Like, I admire them for what they do because they seem to know exactly what their ‘Why’ is and their life has purpose and meaning. I’m really struggling to find what that is for me.

I met up with one of my friends the other day and she was really encouraging me to journal and jot everything down. Like, “Where do you see your life in five years? What are you passionate about? What do you like to do, what do you not like to do?” And just really, you know, giving me that reassurance that this is life, this is fun, and to really get out of my head. After this recording, I will be writing everything out and just journaling and hopefully by the time this releases in like two weeks, I’ll be making progress. But I don’t know, I’ve just been pretty stressed out and I just feel like I don’t even know what I’m doing.

A big part of it also has to do with one, Instagram is making all these changes and I can blame the algorithm and all that, but I don’t even want to talk about that. But it’s more of the fact that, you know, the industry has been so saturated, and sometimes I just think that there’s still needs to be a conversation and education that needs to be taking place about what bloggers and influencers and content creators do because a lot of people don’t think that what we do is important or that there’s a lot of work that happens behind the scenes. It’s something that I’m constantly, you know, I feel the conversation is never ending about that. I constantly have to bring it up.

To be honest, even some of my friends, I feel like they think that I live this glamorous lifestyle. Again, super grateful for all the positives, all the up and downs, but there is a lot else that happens — and sorry, I just got like a flash warning because that’s how crazy it is right now in New York –, but wow, my train of thought is like everywhere. I’m kind of ranting right now but I think another part of it is that I feel like I am not using my time wisely and time is so valuable guys. The 20 minutes or however long this episode will be, if you’re listening to this, you’re never going to get that time back. And again, thank you for listening and I hope you get something out of it. But I’ve learned to value people’s time and I hope people value my time. It’s everything and I don’t think I’m utilizing it well.

So, I’m saying it out there trying to, you know, make myself accountable but I want to wake up earlier. I don’t want to say sleep later, but you know, get good rest, get a good amount of sleep so I can be productive in the morning. But anytime that I am not utilizing my time wisely, I need to check myself. A part of it may be checking my phone. I’ve been using my phone less than I did months ago, but I think if Beyoncé has 24 hours in a day just like we do and she’s utilizing it, you know, she’s killing it, we need to be doing the same. I mean that’s my own issue, but I think it’s important to realize the information that you consume on a daily basis because we choose to absorb that. Yes.

So, I think you should unwind sometimes and watch, you know, Netflix shows, my Guilty pleasure is The Bachelor and just like mindlessly be entertained. Of course. I think there needs to be a balance, but think about the other times that you’ve been maybe reading  news or again checking on your phone, scrolling for hours. All of that time that you are using, whatever information you are absorbing, is that beneficial? Are you taking in information that you find useful and that can challenge you and that allows you to think and question, you know, intellectually? Are you having stimulating conversations? I have to admit that “No.” Like for me, it has not always been that and I think it is important to just be cautious of what you are is taking in in because that really, really affects your mindset and your perspective.

So, I just hope that makes sense because I didn’t think I realized that until recently when I was trying to calculate maybe what are the hours that I’m actually working compared to when I’m being distracted. That’s like the problem with today’s world. We just have so many distractions and it’s so easy to just literally, I can pick up my phone right now and kind of go off track. But I was like, “No.” I penciled everything in. I had a busy schedule and I was like, “I need to record my podcast and the thing, is when you schedule things or you make to-do lists, you are on track because you know exactly what you need to do, visualize it, and write it out and all about checking off. That check mark is so satisfying.

So, with this podcast as well, I’m making it known that I’m releasing an episode every single week. So, when I know that one episode has been released and I haven’t prerecorded anything, I have six days to get that ready to get a guest on it, to talk, edit, and then post it out. So, I would say, yes an advice is to like writing down an agenda. I think a planner is extremely important, but basically that’s about it. That’s just a short summary of what I’ve been going through, and your girl just doesn’t know what she’s doing. I feel like I need to get my life together. I feel like I had this conversation with myself every month or every two months, but mark my words, something is going to change. I’m putting it into the universe that I will find my passion and my purpose and, I have a huge feeling that I will be utilizing maybe this podcast, maybe my social media platform, but I need to do something else outside of it.

I cannot rely just on Instagram. I cannot rely just on social media. I am more than my account, I am more than my photos. I have so much more to offer and to teach maybe. I also think that I will be utilizing this platform to, whatever my reasoning for starting this podcast was, it will be revealed soon. So, just bear with me because the whole reason why I started this podcast stems from a specific experience that I’ve gone through and I’m not trying to tease it and all that. It’s just, I’m still not ready to talk about it, but I can sense that in the near future and like really, really soon I’ll review it and hopefully I can try to utilize that one experience and I hope the universe will reveal this other path that I can do with it.

But yeah, I know that’s not really helpful. But yes, I’m going to be brainstorming a lot for myself and I hope you guys do as well. If you don’t already know your purpose or your ‘Why’ and if you do, that’s amazing. Run with it because the world is yours and you can do so much and honestly, whatever you want to accomplish, you can accomplish. I would say the same for myself. I will be having tons of great guests coming up and, you know, I’m ready for season two. I’m getting more comfortable talking, I’m getting more comfortable interviewing. It’s going to be less, I want it to be more casual. I don’t know if I want to get rid of my New York questions, but maybe those would be the baseline. But just get ready for season two.

I’m really, really excited for it and I really hope you guys continue to listen and to continue to support because this is just a journey. I’m just taking you guys through a journey of my struggles, insecurities, and the confessions and experiences that my fellow guests have gone through. So, thank you again so much for listening. Please stay tuned for next week’s episode. You wouldn’t want to miss that. I actually already recorded that and weekly episodes to come. Send some positive vibes my way, guys.

All right, bye.